Before I start todays post I need to say that I absolutely LOVE my parents and my sisters. I would not have made it as far as I have without them and even though I love them they are not privy to this blog. They are not privy to it because I would not be able to be as honest as I currently am being with all of you for fear of offending my family. They will be getting most of this information but in a different way.
Now onto the real post. About an hour ago I finished Sunday dinner with my family. It was in Worcester at mine and Theresa’s apartment. We had a pretty healthy meal consisting of turkey burgers and grilled veggies. We also had some pasta salad. No matter what I do though it doesn’t seem to be good enough for my mom because there are always 2 things she complains about when she comes over. The first thing is any treats I have in my fridge and the second thing which she brings up every time I see her and most times I talk to her on the phone is my weight issue. Today the food in the fridge that she didn’t like was Apple pie. I bought an apple pie because we didn’t have one for the fourth of July and I was craving it. It hasn’t been opened yet and my mom went on a lecture about how I shouldn’t have even bought it and how I should just throw it away. While Yes maybe I shouldn’t have bought it, I am not going to throw it away as that would be wasting both food and money. I came up with the idea of having some tonight then bringing the rest to share at work, but this seemed to upset my mom even more as she claimed I wasn’t really hearing her. This of course then went on to the topic of my weight. This is an almost daily conversation with my mom and sometimes my dad as well. She also complains that I don’t exercise enough (again I already know this is true). But I am beginning to think that a lot of this pressure may be while I have gained a negative attitude towards working out. It has become a matter of pleasing my family instead of pleasing myself. For instance I was already planning a 2 mile run or whatever it would turn into for about 6:30 today but then my sister told my mom I was going and all of a sudden there was all this pressure on this one workout session. The moment they left I was emotionally drained and didn’t want to go. The good news is everything is laid out so once I get finished with this post I will be ready to go. I have decided to blog before my run to try and get some of these negative feelings out before I go for my run/walk so I can hopefully enjoy it for what it is. I would also like to enjoy running again like I used to eventually. Running was such a big part of my life from seventh grade all the way through junior year of college which was my last cross country season. I absolutely loved it and as my family could probably tell you if I went more then 2 days without running I was not always fun to be with. I also know I was a pain to my coaches the few times I was injured or sick and couldn’t be out there running with my team, especially when I knew I was missing meets. I know these feelings of loving running are still there but are just masked by all of these negative feelings. The reason I know they are still there because my mom keeps trying to convince me to go to a gym to get my exercise in but I can’t stand the idea of running on a treadmill. I am sure I will sign up for a gym eventually but not yet. The part of today’s dinner that really got me thinking about running and all these negative feelings is when after Theresa told my mom that we were going for a run I mentioned to her that I am planning to run the Fall Festival 5k in Shrewsbury at the end of September. This is something I had just decided on earlier today as I realized that I have always been the type of person who needs to have a goal in mind or know where they are going ( Possibly why I hate treadmills) to really accomplish much of anything. As of right now I don’t care what my time is, my only goal is will be to complete the full 5k without walking. That is something I haven’t been able to accomplish in several years. My moms reaction : Well you better get yourself in shape fast, you have a very long way to go. And some other words of doubt. Which I kind of understand but what I needed more was just some positive feedback. Was that too much to ask? It also made me want to be alone on my run (well that was the whole plan to begin with but my sister invited herself along). I did get the courage up to tell my sister (politely of course) that I do not want any company on my run. She understood and is letting me go by myself. Ok well I am looking at the time I am going to get off of here and go get changed and then stretch so I don’t hurt myself on this run (See Michaela and Lisa I still can hear both of you in my head saying stretch well before you run). I have the map my run app on my phone now so I will post on facebook how I do on this run after I have finished and recovered sometime tonight. Before I forget have a great week everyone and for those of you who are going to be running/walking/any exercise outside I recommend doing it in the morning as it’s supposed to be a scorcher this week.
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