Identity crisis

Welcome to my first blog. I am starting a journey of trying to find myself and getting myself back in shape. I hope you enjoy it. I dont know how often I will blog but I will try for at least twice a week.

Less than a month after my 27th birthday, I find myself sitting here wondering two things 1) Where has the time gone, and 2) Where is the Carolyn that I used to be and loved.  10 years ago, I was spending the summer training for my senior season of cross country, which would be a very emotional season for me as senior year always is. Running was my life. I lived and breathed cross country and track.  Everything in my life was centered around these 2 sports. from my jobs to when I got my drivers license ( I couldnt take drivers ed right away because of cross country or track) At the time I did not think that I was very popular but I was happy.  I had my family, a small group of close friends and some absolutely amazing coaches! Who taught me so much more then just how to train and run a good race.  I was so confident and so ambitious, and I do not know when that changed. I have some ideas but I am not completly sure. I have definitely gone through a lot in the last 10 years. From losing a few friends to getting diagnosed with my seizures that I had apparently been living with since 8th grade when I passed out one morning.  In all of this I no longer recognize myself, I am no longer running, or even exercising, I am now the type of person who comes up with excuses to avoid anything challenging, and im not nearly as motivated. I am also not as outgoing as I tend to hide my emotions from everyone. I may just be starting on my journey of finding myself but the few things I do know are 1) I am at least able to realize I am not the person I used to be and I dont want the people who helped me so much and admire to see me like this even though I want to see them 2) that the first step in finding myself is to go for a run as running has always cleared my head. I may only be able to run for a few minutes at a time but I will do it. I apologize for this first post being all over the place, I just had so much to get out there and I still only barely skimmed the top of everything. Future posts will be more focused. To those of you who have taken the time out of your day to read this thank you!