emotional rollercoaster

While so far I have done pretty well with getting pieces of my life back in order, I am still struggling with a lot of the emotional piece. Yes I have been exercising more, and I even joined weightwatchers this week. Both of those are great things but I am still feeling bad about myself, and to be honest I dont know why. Each day I am basically having an emotional tug of war with myself. For instance yesterday morning I ran a mile straight through for the first time in quite some time. I was ecstatic when I finished and for a while afterwards but by midday I was putting myself down again for being overweight and for only running a mile, and for just being me. I guess I thought that I would start feeling better about myself much sooner after I did all of this. But I dont not really. I mean everyone tells me how wonderful I am but I just dont feel like that. If I was so wonderful then why doesnt making new friends and keeping old ones come any easier to me? Why do I feel like crying right now even though I have wonderful job and have started working out again? I honestly done know what to do about it. There have been numerous times when I feel like im not making a difference and im not worth anyones time. I guess this upsets me the most because all i have ever wanted to do was make a difference in the world. I also have always wanted to be needed which I am not feeling very needed right now. To be honest there have been times where I thought that if I moved away no one would miss me or even realize I was gone. Most of the time I know that that isnt true but there are times where I feel like I dont matter to anyone other then my immediate family. The worst part of it is,I know I really have nothing to complain about when I look at other peoples lives but it doesnt help my mood. I am sorry for this being such a negatice blog but I had to get this out for me to hopefully turn this day around. Thanks again for listening to me vent.