The Debate

So today during my walk there was a debate going on in my head. The debate was all over my pace and keeping track of my times. I was also having a hard time not comparing myself to the high school Carolyn in regards to running. Then I realized part of this issue was because I am and always have been very competitive with myself and others. Even in high school, I always wanted to beat my time and to see myself at the top of the time sheets we would get after every cross country meet. Of course 9 years later I still have several of those time sheets with my 7 minute pace on them.  I mean I even have a box score from 7^th grade track with my two mile time on it.  Yes I know most people will think I am crazy but running cross country and track were some of if not my best memories from that 6 year period (7^th through 12^th). During my walk today I was looking at my pace (thanks to technology I could see it as I walked) and thinking of those time sheets and how much slower I was now. But then another part of me was telling me to realize that just getting out there was a good thing and to not worry about how fast I used to be or how slow I am now. I mean I don’t expect to get back to my 7 minute pace or faster than that. Honestly I would just like to get back to a 10 minute pace for now. I did run just over a quarter mile of today’s workout and I ran it at just under a 12 minute pace.  Luckily the voice telling me not to worry about how fast or slow I am is winning out this week. I just know it will be a constant fight to make sure it wins out in the long run.