Then and Now: The Difference

So this past summer I attempted to get back into running. I wouldnt neccesarily say it was a complete failure but it definitely wasn't a success. There are many reasons for that. One of the biggest reasons is I WASNT ready for it emotionally and I cared too much about what others thought. It also felt like a chore at points to go for a run. Running from my point of view and experiences should never feel like a chore. That is because running is amazing and freeing. I also was not ready to give myself credit for the little things and to stop beating myself up over my weight, my looks, any little things I've done wrong and dissapointing others (or what I thought was dissapointing others) I have since realized that as long as I am doing my best and still being my caring self then I am not dissapointing anyone that matters. Yes people that has finally gotten through my thick skull. Another reason is I was not believing in myself, and when that happens it is very difficult for any of your goals to be accomplished. So those are all the main reasons it didnt work this summer. However; I can't say that this summer wasn't important because if I didn't have this summer I dont think I would be doing as well with running now. I also given up on worrying about dissapointing people, I still worry about losing their respect but thats different, and I still have people I worry about them being proud of me but I no longer let that determine my actions. Another reason I am succeeding is I am no longer beating myself up over a bad workout like last nights workout, it is what it is. I also just overall have a more positive attitude over things, I am also not afraid to ask for help when I need it and I have some great friends. I am also enjoying running the way I used to enjoy running when I was in middle and high school. When I am running there is nothing in the world that can bother me. Life is perfect at that moment, and when I am stressed there is nothing that can de stress me more so than running. Running has always been such a big part of my life I just tried to ignore it for a while. That obviously wasnt the best idea but it is back to being a huge part of my life and I couldnt be happier :) Now I just need to focus on staying motivated and stayin on my plan and all will be well. I dont know what type of shape I will be in in may but I am very much looking forward to the 5K at Nipmuc this may. Because I am finally realizing no matter how I run I can go back being proud of who I have become and the life I am living including working with kids.