The last few months

It has been a very long time since I last wrote a post. A lot has happened since then. While I had done well focusing on myself this summer it pretty much fell apart shortly into the school year. I fell into a bit of a depression. I dont know what all of my triggers were but I do know some of them. It didnt help that due to my sisters car troubles I was pretty much living alone. I am not the type of person who should really be living alone. As most of you know I like to talk too much :) . I also began to seperate myself from my friends and family. I didnt do this on purpose but it happened. I put up a front so no one could see how horrible I was really feeling on the inside and how bad I was falling apart. It was pretty easy to do considering I made it so I only talked to most of my friends on facebook. Looking back I can see I was being a bit cynical because at the same time I was hiding my feeling and refusing to ask for help, I was telling my student every day that it was ok to ask for hel[ and to not be afraid to ask for help. Even at 27, I struggle with asking for help and wanting everyone to see me as this perfectly strong and independent woman. I struggle with anyone and I do mean anyone (even family) seeing my weaknesses. Out of all of my fears being considered weak is probably one of the biggest ones probably because being seen as weak then could lead to dissapointing friends and family. A combination of this fear and several other issues that I am not yet ready to get into (many of them are minor but just piled on top of each other) are what lead to my depression. my depression then lead to me beginning to fall apart again. I stopped taking the best care of myself. I stopped caring (or I told myself I did) what happened to me or what others saw. This made for a very few rough months in the beginning of the school year. I fell further and further into a depressed state. The good news is I am making my way out of it. Thanks to an intervention with my family and some wonderful help on their part from all ends. I stopped seeing myself as helpless, and started doing things for myself again. I started making goals for myself. I realy examined my life and looked into what was really important to me. All of this has made everything so much easier, I also have some amazing friends. many of whom didnt know what was really going on, but somehow it felt like they knew when I needed something from them, whether it was just saying hi and asking how things were going, reminding myself to take care of myself, or unkowingly sharing a quote that was something I needed to hear. I have started working out again (slowly but that will increase) I am going to run a half marathon in October. I am working 2 jobs and close to 70 hours a week, but it feels good. I feel like I am back on the right track. I am also making more of an effort to include my family and my friends into how I am doing/feeling. I am also making sure that even though I work 70 hours a week I plan things in that I can look forward to, like seeing friends over February break :). I know every week wont be good but as long as I keep working on it things will keep improving.