Today was a good day. I completed my first 5k since May 2011. It felt absolutely amazing!!!! I really was slow as mollasses and it was my slowest 5k ever, but thats ok. I dont expect to get back to my 6 minute pace that I was at in HS again, I would just like to get down to my 8 or 9 minute pace. I dont expect that to happen right now, as I need to continue working on my endurance first. The best part of today was just really enjoying the run while it was happening. Another good thing happened when I got home from the race. I walked into my bedroom and saw my running trophies from HS/college. With my confidence down this summer and lately, there have been numerous times where I have looked at them and felt dissapointed in the person I have turned into and felt like I was letting soo many people down (this has gotten better as I have stopped worrying so much about others but it still happens on occasion.)To be honest there have been a couple times where I even doubted if I deserved them. That was on my worst days. Today I was able to walk into my room see those trophies and just feel proud of them and of myself. I am also gaining more confidence which is allowing my positive attitude that I had in hs, to come back. I am beginning to enjoy my life again and not worry about the little things. I am looking forward to continuing to run and maybe by this time next year I will be ready to run my first half marathon???? I am finally beginning to feel like I have reachable goals again, and that is what will keep me moving forward that and the wonderful support I have and continue to receive from my friends and family.
My soul has known all along that running is what I needed to move forward but my mind is what caused me to be stuck with all of my doubts and negative thoughts.
I know its going to take a while to competely leave this "dark period" behind me, but I am ready to leave it behind me instead of letting it define me and change me.
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