Underestimating myself

So one thing I realized during and after todays workout was that I have been underestimating my abilities. I have been putting myself down and telling myself that I cant do it. Because of that I have been limiting what I have been trying to do. Todays run really proved to me several things 1) I can still do it :) 2) I am stronger than I think 3) I need to stop listening to my head all the time and listen to my heart more. I also just love to run, I know I have been driving my sister(and some friends, especially those who didnt know me before) with all my talking about running. But to be honest I am just feeling so good today and most of it has nothing to do with how long I ran today, it has more to do with the fact that I didnt give in to myself wanting to stop, and I didnt pay too close attention to the timer, I really just enjoyed running in its purest form. I am beginning to run with confidence again, and believe it or not I was smiling the whole time. And yes the competitor in me came out a little bit, when someone was on the treadmill next to me, but hey I think thats been ingrained in me since I was in 7th grade, except when youre on the roads its passing the shirts in front of you :) This week has been good for getting me back running on a daily basis but my challenge next week will be making sure I continue it when I go back to working two jobs. I definitely wont be walking to and from the gym every day but thatll just be an extra part of a workout. Overall I am feeling really good. Running definitely influences my mood as you can tell. Another thing I thought about today was how my doctors have always said that running when I was in middle school and High school is what probably kept my seizures under control and stopped them from showing up until Senior year (which is when I started noticing them not when I got diagnosed with them). I figure if I run again like I did then with the dedication that I gave it back then ( some people call it obsession I call it dedication), it cant do any harm and may even help my medicine to keep the seizures at bay. So overall, this has been a good week :) Its funny how 4 days,good workouts, advice from good friends, and lots of encouragement can change the way you look at things. I will never underestimate any of that. Thank you to everyone who has dealt with my changing moods and encourages me and is a sounding board as well :).

constant battle raging in my head

So I am getting myself running again as I have majorly slacked off this school year. I am going to the gym tomorrow to get a run in I dont know how long I will run but I am just going to get to the gym and just run. I was really motivated earlier today, and I am still motivated, but now I have all these negative thoughts going on in my head. I have all these little voices in my head right now telling me that I am no longer a runner and cant do it. I have literally been battling with my self mentally for the last several hours. I know that most of this is just inside my head and I need to ignore it but it is hard. I need to focus on how good it makes me feel when I am running and on my goal of completing that 5k in may back at Nipmuc 10 years after I graduated. I know I wont be as fast as I was then I just want to be proud of myself for completing the 5K and running the whole thing. I am hoping that being on vacation this week (from one job at least) and really being able to focus on myself including my running will help me get some of my confidence back. Until I get into the swing of things its going to be a daily struggle with myself and I just have to accept that. I also just have to put positive pictures in my head of myself doing well.