Yes I am finally back to posting :). I have wanted to for a while but didn't know what to say. Well after seeing Runner's World Facebook post yesterday it got me thinking and I realized what this post would be about. The summer was busy but the last month has been crazy with starting my new job which is going well btw. Definitely a lot to learn but so far so good. OK now onto what I really want to write about. So yesterday Runner's World posted "throwback Thursday what was your first race" (paraphrasing). That got me thinking about my first race in 7th grade and it definitely made me laugh. My first race in 7th grade was at the Upton Rod and Gun club. It was a small invitational I think all I remember is that it wasn't a dual meet and there were at least 4 teams there. I don't remember anything before getting on the starting line. The moment the starting gun went off I got knocked down straight into a puddle. I of course got up right away and ran the 5k. No I don't know what my time was lol. What I didn't realize at first because of my adrenaline was that I had gotten cut when I fell. I think I noticed part way through the race. By the time I finished I was a little bit out of it and ended up getting sick in the bathroom and trying to clean the blood up... BUT I couldn't wait to do it again. When I first created this blog I was talking about wanting to find the "real" Carolyn. Well looking back at that race and the determination and persistence that I showed I realized I still have those same characteristics now! I mean if I didn't then I wouldn't have taken the risk in changing my career. The best thing about the new job isn't the new job its how it has changed my outlook on things and how I feel about myself. For the first time in a long time I am not feeling ashamed of myself and where I am in my life (this doesn't include the body image struggles as that's still an ongoing struggle) I am NOT saying I was ashamed of what I did, I am just saying that I always thought I would be further along in my life/career than I was and that always got me stressed and made me put myself down. I now realize that I wasn't further on in my career because I don't think my heart was fully into it anymore and hadn't been for a while. I just kept using the excuse that I wasn't qualified for anything other than teaching. I now know that that was wrong. Hey it took a while to figure it out but I figured it out :). Mentally and emotionally I am proud of myself and that part of my life. However the one part I still struggle with is my body and my self image. I know I am overweight but seeing pictures of myself and the fact that my 10 year reunion is in just over 2 months! That kind of freaked me out because I don't want to look the way I look now when I go to that. It sent me into such a state that I kind of did 3 workouts in one day last weekend on top of all the other crazy workouts I did the week before and after so my knee started hurting me. (its fine now :) ) I have to work on it from a more complete angle though. So that's going to be my struggle to work on. The new job got me off my training schedule, so I wont be competing in the Bay State half marathon next month but that's ok because I will be looking for another one to do later on. AND I WILL be doing the full marathon at Bay State next year so I can complete my goal of running one before I hit 30. I also don't have much time left to complete those goals. At least when I am training for my 1/2 over the winter I can think of my friends who will be training over the winter for Boston and I already have a few of them. Ok this post has gotten off topic a bit but that's ok :) Going to wrap it up now but I promise I WILL update more frequently.